When I was diagnosed I started a blog about the fact that my mom and I were having a similar experience. Of course that wasn’t totally true, I was told I would 90% be cured and mom was told maybe they could extend her Life. My blog starts with antidotes about my moms challenges with cancer how she overcame breast cancer for 20+ years when they thought she wouldn’t survive 5. I’ve always known that my mom was strong. An only child she managed through life’s challenges (divorce, her parents death, cancer, her husbands death) and always came out the other side more positive. My mother was “fun”, well maybe not always with me, but she was fun, my mother was adventurous, my mother loved new experiences. My mother took us to dude ranches and trips around the world - one temple trip to ISRAEL was extremely memorable and frightening - she loved the Middle East and middle eastern music. The temple group went to a belly dancing nightclub in Haifa. Pretty quickly the group was ready to leave but not my mom, she was still dancing and we were having fun. So we stayed at the nightclub with no real means of transportation back to the hotel - there were no cellphones or Uber’s then. When the club closed, I’m not sure how it happened but she got a soldier to drive us back to the hotel. I remember sitting in the back seat of the car with Evan and in his lap the soldier had placed his rifle. It could have been a machine gun to me and i was terrified by that. It wasn’t the gun that terrified me as much as it was in Evans lap. But mom was laughing all the way to the hotel and her adventures just grew from there. There are many more of these stories and I heard many from her solo perspective. She was never afraid to travel the world alone going with strangers in travelgroups. She came back with stories and pictures of crypts in China, salsa lessons in Cuba, camel rides in Egypt, the Boylshoi ballet in Russia and more.
You can understand now why it’s shocking to me how this women who overcame so much in her life, had enormous strength of self is no longer here. She was my biggest cheerleader and we talked almost every day. And I still haven’t dealt with this loss. I know because every day since she died I’ve had a moment where I’ve said I need to get that for mom or I need to tell that to mom. And then I realize I can’t. I’m not sure if that feeling ever goes away or if I ever want it to. Because each time I have it I feel like she’s with me.; and I never want to let that go. I love you mom.
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