Stigma -ta

Today mom had her procedure and fortunately all went well. They removed 5 liters of fluid from her abdomen and it’s giving her some real breathing room and hopefully she’ll get her appetite back. So glad my bro was able to go and be with her as I couldn’t. Today was my day two... two days closer to cure...nothing much to report but my port area is still tender. We replaced the cartridge with fresh killer drugs. I went to the office today for much of the day. It’s the last day of the year so I really wanted to wrap things up and wish the team a happy new year. Everyone in the office (who knows) is very supportive and I appreciate that as some times you just miss things about the sensitivity of people. I also worry what I‘ll look like after the two week break. Coming back with perfectly coiffed wig hair and maybe some swelling due to the drugs. I did notice swelling today in my fingers and toes. I’m also concerned and don't want to tell a lot of my industry friends because of the “stigma” of cancer. I have a great support group so I feel i don’t need to let more people get involved or have anyone pity me. I don’t want to be anyone’s poster child right now either. When I’m cured i can support all the fabulous charities that contributed to my cure - and i fully intend to. I also don’t want people questioning my mental ability during this time. As a woman in an industry of men I’m concerned about being viewed as weak or unable to do something. I know it’s not true but it might be an easy case to make during this health blip. I also swore that this thing in me would never control me and it will do what i tell it. It may all sound petty at this time - and it may be but it’s my work ethic that drives me and my competitiveness that pushes me to be in control and on top. Three more days of chemo for round one for me....mom has three weeks till her next session.