I’m under attack

Truly, I haven’t written in a few days since my body was attacked by Neulasta. I felt fairly good xmas Eve AF even went with the family out for dinner. The restaurant was crowded as it should be and the food was fantastic. At 8pm we left the table and I felt flush and overwhelmed by the heat and the crowd. We exited quickly and sometime during the cab ride back to our place the Neulasta detonated. The little device on my stomach started beeping and for the next 45 minutes spewed it’s venom into my body. Ok I was prepared for that. Mom had had this device and I was there when she took it she was fine after. Yeah, no not me. My intolerance for pain took over. EVERY part of my body ached, every joint, every muscle. My teeth felt like they we’re going jump out of my head. You need to understand, pain is all one level to me...that pain tolerance test? Are you between 0-10; I’m normally at a 7. However this felt like a 15!!! For the next 24 hours I’ve been battling this. Taking a Claritin to counterattack the histamine, to finally getting an oxi from my dr for the pain. Interesting fact- it’s not as easy to get oxi in NYC on Xmas day as you’d think. My hubby willingly trekked to several pharmacy’s to find one that had any and finally we found some about 30 blocks away. We is actually an understatement, I was transporting myself between the couch and the bed every hour barely able to move. Ive rubbed aranica cream and CBD balm into my joints. Taken naproxen and Tylenol (not at the same time) and only that one oxi which made me foggy but not totally pain free. Still I’m sitting here alive to see another day and should be grateful for that although the pain has diminished it has not subsided. I worry I will be consumed with pain not only over my treatment but after. I’ve watched those that deal with pain every day, I’m compassionate but until this moment you cannot understand how horrendous that must be to have moments of relief knowing it can return at any time. I feel like I’m missing information here. I mean look I didn’t expect this to be a walk in the park, it’s been one big pain fest, but there have to be more options - someone needs to write a “tips and tricks for chemo gals and guys”. Mom has a good Xmas with family although I know she was worried about me. Drs appt today for me....next treatment in 14 days.