I’ll take Dolly Parton songs for $500 Alex.... oh yeah, he died. In the short time since my last post the loss of Alex Trebeck is only the tip of the iceberg. Covid overran the world we scurried to protect each other by staying apart and masking up and yet millions died and are continuing to die. In and throughout I clung to my recovery, getting two doses of a Pfizer shot and blaming bad health issues on phrenic nerve and breathing issues. I knew, I had to know it wasn‘t true but like a raft in Egypt I was in Da’Nile.
Over the last few weeks I struggled thinking whether I should come back to this blog. My posts from the previous era seem insipid. So I hope you bear with me as I navigate this new world without consistency and whether or not I can write another post.
To bring you up to speed, that’s right, my cancer is back. Hardly a welcoming friend more like a mutant ninja turtle that doesn’t eat pizza. Because these things are mysteries, the best I can tell you is that 10 cells or so hid out during my last PT scan. These 10 cells made ten friends and they made ten friends and pretty soon they all knew Kevin Bacon. Well those cells apparently weren’t happy in their close knit tumor and decided to venture out into the lung world infiltrating my closest lymph nodes. It was described to me somewhere as making the lymph nodes blossom which caused me to instantly relate it to a scene in the movie Fantasia and the scene of the Russian dancing flowers. https://youtu.be/1hMjxnwig0o The dancing of these nodes rubbed and created a plural effuasiin causing fluid to build up outside my lungs - creating a difficult breathing and talking relationship.
In any event, I ended up in the ER after my pulmonologist visit and from there was admitted in an effort to first remove the fluid. 1 liter removed and one crazy roommate (another long story) I started heavy duty chemo again and spent 6 (literally) non-memorable days in the hospital.
For those that know me well, this is literally unfathomable. How could a control freek lose six days of their life drop off the face of the planet and not manage all that is work and life. It’s unreal to realize how my family, employees and coworkers rallied. My husband and daughter consumed at my bedside ensuring I was being properly attended and advocated for, my team members stepping in to run a smooth less transition and division of work, my family rallying in our tropical operations as (No Shit!) a volcano erupted on the island next door dealing with cancellations, customers and more. It was literally a perfect storm.
Now a week after I am finally starting to feel more like myself - hence the blog post - but the road ahead for me is long and less travelled. While my prognosis remains curable the route will be much bumpier and possibly longer than before.
Even though friends have shared encouragement and love and support until today I wasn’t sure I had the courage or strength to deal with this. I sat in bed early this morning thinking how I was going to go to my drs appt and tell him there has to be another way - I just can’t do it. But of course there’s not, and I’d be grateful to get another 20+ years and die in my sleep.
Theres more to come for me I’m sure. But the path will not be easy. I’m inspired in this moment of clarity and need to focus on the white light within me to bring strength and health. That being said, I’m non discriminating and will take all types of prayers and positive thoughts offered. Until I write again.....it has been six days from my last treatment and 14 days until my next.
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