Yep it’s back to work today, but first a stop at the resident psychiatrist after that pain meltdown two weeks ago. I’m long past that being able to put into perspective that exactly how to move that forward. It’s simple....I’m a control freak...so I need strategies move the ball forward. I can’t be reactionary. Reactionary puts me in defense mode and i shut down to protect myself. So out of today’s really long two hour session I learned that 1) I need to try to preempt some of the side effects I had. A) constipation - got that in check B) neulasta? - can i take the antihistamine before the shot goes off? Can I take more antihistamin? c) neuropathy? Oh yeah that finger tingling sensation is new and there’s a counter productive drug so maybe. The other thing I learned is 2) I’ve had a charmed life - well actually I kind of knew that but it’s nice to validate. The dr wanted to know if I’d ever been assaulted, raped, traumatized, etc. In fact when she asked me the most traumatic thing thats ever happened to me I was really at a loss - I mean the breakup of my first marriage could be considered traumatic but it was more inevitable - and the death of my grandparents (well that’s supposed to happen - so in the moment maybe) - in fact the closest I’d come to traumatic was when my dad was in a coma for a subdural hematoma and we didn’t know if he’d survive - but again fortunately that all worked out. I guess my perspective (which maybe naive) is that I don’t even think this cancer is traumatic - just something I have to go through on the way to somewhere else. They’ve told me it’s curable right? Just have to deal with this chemo shit. I maybe changed somehow when it’s over but much more fortunate than others that have had to loose body parts. So Ill consider myself charmed - fortunate and damn fucking lucky. I went to work sporting my short hair and my black hat; no wig yet for as long as I can get away with it. The diversion was nice and got a lot done. I left a little early and took two conference calls at home. I just want to pace myself. As an update on the public info: I’ve gotten several emails from people that are extremely touching and inspiring. Their well wishes are inspiring and they will stay deep with me. Moms having chemo Thursday and I have my second session.
Comments