Eat dirt....

Well that’s what it tastes like. In the last two weeks everything I eat or drink tastes like dirt. My tastebuds are so shot that the other night when we had pasta I sprinkled on grated cheese and ate my dinner. My husband once I finished tasted the cheese and said....didnt you realize it had gone bad? Apparently it expired months ago and I didn’t even taste that it had gone bad!! Omg. so for the last weeks I’ve been forcing myself to eat....again not the diet plan I thought of.... what ercks me though is not knowing why my tastebuds are so screwed up. Look I can’t even eat coffee ice cream - it tastes super sweet and has the edge of dirt flavor - look don’t ask me to describe what does dirt taste like. I just know this must be it. if anyone has a solution to this let me know because even something without flavor....water...now has an edge. in other news we’re now under a week out from starting the stem cell process. To say I’ve been in denile is an understatement. I’ve totally put it out of my mind and I decided to keep that way until we get there. I’m avoiding looking at the calendar and appt schedule. I’m leaving that up to my husband. He can be the Coordinator, planner, scheduler. I’ll just show up. On top of all this in a few days I have a milestone birthday. Another thing I’d like to forget...since I’m 30 I’ve always hated birthdays. A great birthday is not remembering it’s my birthday ;) and just another day. But this one a decade since the last milestone has so much baggage associated with it. One less parent and one major life threatening illness. Hardly a celebration. Maybe next year I’ll be able to say this was just a bad dream or face my mortality. But for today I’m just putting one foot in front of the other. No longer a master of my own destiny but creating a destiny none the less.