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Been a long time...

Yes, I haven’t written for a while which is probably a good thing. It means I’ve been busy with “regular” life. I just passed the half way mark in my treatment! Yay! On the 18th Ill have a pet scan to note progress. fingers crossed! Third times a charm as they say and yes, it went as smoothly as number two. Tomorrow I will have to travel to Florida fir moms funeral. I will finally really have to confront the fact that she’s dead. I don’t know what that will be like it’s surreal. I still can’t believe it. I’ve made the calls to friends, planned the repast, created the obligatory moving video and yet it doesn’t feel real. Im not sure what it’s going to take to have me deal with it or maybe I just won’t. Whatever she’s on a cruise somewhere and I can only text her and she can’t text me back because there’s no service. Literally. But the ceremony and “party” can’t go quick enough so I can get back to my place of denial. That won’t happen because my brother and I will have to deal with her stuff. All the things she lovingly collected that mean nothing to us. Do I just discard them. I mentioned this to my hubby last night because I’m particularly perplexed about her Aunt Minnas feather fan. I remember when my Aunt Minna died (a million years ago), she was a single woman (a spinster as they called it), no children, never married and yet she owned this fabulous luxurious feather fan made from pink ostrich feathers. My mother came home from her funeral and lovingly showed me this fan which she put into a plastic bag and tucked into the top of her closet. My mom took it from home to home where it is now once

again at the top of her closet in Florida. And now it’s my responsibility....along with the bracelet she got from her first boyfriend who sent it from overseas during the war, and whose heart she crushed when he returned and she spurned him first my father. There are many more of these objects with little to no real value but each with a story. There are also plenty of things with less romantic stories like the six foot beaded llama my mom and I bought together at Home goods in NJ and went all over looking for a box to ship it to Florida for the perfect spot in her living room (My husband says we’re definitely not taking that so let me know if you’re interested!!) All in all I will have to deal with the memories this stuff represents and then decide if the stories are worthy of sharing with my daughter, nieces and nephews. Will they care? perhaps the donated items will become someone else’s story....we can only hope they are as treasured. My next chemo is Feb 20 and mom gets buried on Saturday.

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