No, not the past present and future but the song one the
first day...you get it. Today I found out that my first chemo starts Dec 19 a day after my port is inserted and will be finished on Dec 24, fa-la-la-la-la. No five golden rings just five days of chemo, dose adjusted to send it’s glow through my veins a little at a time for five days. On the positive side today I’m getting better at telling people I have cancer, barely forming a tear when I say it. That sounds harsh but it’s an out of body experience....i had thought that I really wouldn’t tell anyone, but I think the people I work with might notice my hair is gone! Better to let them know that I’m going to be okay - my famous line - I’m going to do things my way and this tumor is going to get out of me - or something similar ;). But today I believe that’s true. With all the worry about pain, suffering, hair, etc the rational side of me knows that’s true. I’m going to take control not this sucker. I have visions of leading a somewhat normal life with fantastic never out of place hair, traveling across countries to meetings, maybe even losing weight - very spa like - the denial side of me thinks this is possible. The rational side tells my work team that I may be coming in late or working from home more. The irrational side worries about tingling in my fingers making me unable to type, nausea (not so much) and extreme fatigue. Of course we won’t know till we get there but today I feel I’ve made my peace with the fact that there’s no other choice. I'm still nervous scared and worried but in six months i’ll awake from the nightmare hopefully with no residual effects. This has not yet changed my perspective on life, I love my family, I love my work and I love what I’ve accomplished. This sucker in my chest is not going to take that away from me. Did I mention my Mom is having chemo this week and I’m having it next week.
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